I hardly ever write here. The fact is that I don’t expect anyone to read this. I just want to write, I want to get this out of my mind. 

It is incredible how things can change in a second, in less than a second. Hope is the last to die. In my case I wish it would have died first. 

I am in love, you see. As half of the population on our dearest plant Earth I have fallen in love with a the wrong person, with a jerk. It has been for nearly 3 years now, I didn’t even realize it until I started thinking about time. Three long and painful years. How have I endured this long? 

We started a friends with benefits relationship that I am now dependent on. Well, I don’t really know if I am dependent. I can last months without him but when he starts things I can’t say no. 

The fact is that I can’t say no to him at all. What he wants he gets. He has cheated with me. So, what am I expecting of him? He has no intention of having a serious relationship with me. If he cheated with me he is going to cheat on me, right? Yet there is hope, there is that stupid hope that he might change for me… The worst thing is that I know that it is nonsense to believe it. 

Stupid hope, why won’t you leave me alone so I can keep going with my life?